December 8:
6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife
an I took our hot chocolate and sat for hours by the window watching the
huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses
print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every
inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely
place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had.
Shoveled for the first time ever and felt like a boy again. I did both
the driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along
and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel
again. What a perfect life.
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor,
Bob, tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No
snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the
end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's
possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The
cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed
up shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow
came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize
I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back
in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow
tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The
wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's
silly, we aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. Hurt like crazy. The wife laughed for an hour, which
I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity
was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing
to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've
bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. I hate it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night.
More shoveling. Took all day. Snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor
kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow
blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're
lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill
me. I think he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the
white stuff fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt until August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I
had to go to the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went, and dressed
again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his
truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he's
is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to
decorate the front of the house this morning. What, is she nuts.
Why didn't she tell me that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's
lying.
December 24:
6" more snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought
I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the guy who drives that snowplow,
I'll drag him through the snow. I know he hides around the corner and waits
for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles
an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife
wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but
I was busy watching for the snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the -#2$&# slop tonight. Snowed
in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the
snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head
with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time I'm going to kill
her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why did I move here? It was all HER idea. She's really
getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. She's driving me CRAZY!!!!
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it will cave
in. That's the silliest thing I've ever heard. How dumb does he think I
am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars.
The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8:
1 feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving
me. Why am I tied to the bed?
[Humor Index]
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